Live Updates: Insights and notes from the D6 Family Ministry Conference
Note: I’ll be updating this post over the next 3 days with all my breakout and session notes. Check back in for live updates and follow along on social media with #D62024
How to Use Parenting Small Groups Effectively
Dr. Scott Turansky from the National Center for Biblical Parenting
609-658-6518
Scott@biblicalparenting.org
Create a Vision for Parent Discipleship
- Jesus’ Discipleship Mandate (Matthew 28:19-20) Start with the why. The reasons behind what we do found in Matthew 28:19-20. And specifically “…teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” Teaching them the what to do behind the why for doing it.
- Parents are Commissioned (Deut 6:6-9, Eph 6:1-3)
- The Heart is Crucial (1 Samuel 16:7)
Family ministry is DNA of the leadership of the church where Scott pastors. He and the executive pastor co-lead the church.
Parenting is heart work – Book: The heart’s desires and the heart’s emotions. Emotions are often connected to the desires. “I want” or “I feel.” And belief’s. There are 9 areas of heart work for parents. Be careful to watch out for feeding selfishness because of the “I’ll give you what you want if you obey” mentality.
“Parents are the best counselors for their children if they have a good plan.”
Will you child grow simply through correction? Training is much more powerful.
“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,”
2 Timothy 3:16 ESV
Tools to Consider:
BiblicalParenting.org
for books, small group resources, other parent training tools
ThrivingKidsConnection.com
An online community for parent discipleship. Ongoing training for coaches and parents using a heart-based approach.
BiblicalParentingUniversity.com
Classes for parents to take at their own pace. Churches can obtain a site license.
BiblicalParenting.coach
Become trained as a biblical parenting coach.
BiblicalParenting.org/THRIVE
12 sessions family training video experience. For individual families or church small groups.
Host a live seminar
Have Scott Turansky and Joanne
Miller come to your church and energize your parent ministry.
Practical Ways to Get Started
- Communicate a vision for parent discipleship. Is your senior pastor involved? Is vision being casted weekly to the whole family? What sphere of influence are you stewarding?
- Choose the venue – What opportunity do you have built into the parent’s schedule? Is there something that fits naturally?
- Sunday School Class
- During Awana
- Weeknight small group
- Other venue that fits your culture
- Choose relevant curriculum
- Consider parent training as an outreach to the community
- Start with interested people – Maybe start small
- Plan a live seminar to boost interest and motivation
- Build a parent resource team
- Communicate broadly to the church about parenting
Know your VIP’s – Very Intentional Parents
Two Elements of Small Group Ministry
- Teaching
- Support
Both are important
Implementing Structures
- Email parenting tips
- Small groups
- Preaching
- Family Nights
- Mentoring
- Devotion training
- Live seminar
- Book reviews
- Biblical Parenting University
- Family event
- Prayer Team
Overcoming Roadblocks
Scott brings the kids up every single Sunday to be in front of the church. Prayer,
Consider naming things intentionally. Not just the “work day” when the old folks show up but instead call it a “Family Service Day.” Now children will also come to serve as well as the older people in your church. Foster generational community in your church.
Download the Leadership Infographic Pack:
https://app.biblicalparenting.org/rAm44?r_done=1
Brad Rhoads – Discipling Marriages in Your Church
How can I go from here favorite person, to her least favorite person in under a year?
If the person who knows you the best, loves you the least, take a good hard look in a mirror.
Marriage ministry that missed the entire marriage. Crisis counseling and pre-marriage counseling but not helping walk through the day to day. What if we changed the way the church did marriage ministry? What if we helped people avoid drifting into the crisis to begin with? When do we first engage a couple in marriage ministry? Waiting until someone is in crisis to engage is ineffective.
Today, according to Barna research, 72% of churches do not have a marriage ministry.
51% of children are ralsed In In tact families. (Pew Research Center, Get Married, Wilcox, p.7.)
The US has the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent homes. (Pew Research Center)
Marriage rate at an all-time low. Marriages have decreased by 31 percent over the last 20 years and 61 percent over the past 50 years. (End Game, p. 207 citing CDC/NCHS National Vital Statistics.)
40% of young Americans belleve marriage is an outdated tradition. (Pew Research Center)
Complacent stagnant marriages stunt our Gospel message in families.
The best thing I can do as a dad is to love your mom well.
“I believe the Church holds the key for addressing the collapse of marriage – and that addressing the collapse of marriage is also the key for rebuilding the church in America.” (P. 11. End Game) https://a.co/d/gZMUPOP
If anything comes ahead of your marriage with the exception of Jesus Christ, your _ will slowly die.
Programs by themselves are insufficient.
A focus on marriage should not be a program of the church, but a pillar of the church.
Research shows that married couples that spend at least 8 hours in skill-based training with one another have significantly stronger, longer-lasting marriages. Helping parents keep their marriage strong is children’s ministry.
We can’t change the next generation without changing the people that are raising the next generation.
Sowing and reaping is a reel thing. The more we sow into marriages, the better our church and society will be.
—
Ron Hunter – Defining Family Beyond a Norman Rockwell Painting
Families are great at getting into predicaments, but God is great about redeeming them.
Let’s define family and ask about the one widow with two kids, what about the single daddy trying to hold it together, what about the abandoned child with identity struggles, what about orphans (physical or spiritual).
We therefore have abba Father, and He redeems where we are.
When we see that and we ask ourselves, how do we minister to kids who have that role model? Not all can trust the Heavenly Father because not all can trust their earthly father and they struggle with it. Some when they think of God the Father, They worry that God the Father will abandon them, or punish them, or even abuse.
You are part of a family bigger than biology. You are part of the family of God.
Family: People who share a common bond or experience through biological, theological, or relational means.
Co-workers, social groups, military friends, and church friends.
Family is an endearing term that goes beyond biology.
Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 1:5 – we are adopted
Rom 8:27 – we are His heirs
He is Bridegroom, we are His bride
He calls us his children, He is Abba.
Mentor, Teacher, Second Parent, Friend
Ruth: Her husband died and she had a special relationship with her mother in law.
Family Ministry as a Verb:
Nurturing, encouraging, sharing experience and empathy, biblical counsel.
Family ministry is spiritual ancestry, and it’s not limited to biology because it extends to theology.
Self reflection.
Ministry reflection.
How is part of your spiritual family that you intentionally nurture?
What does scripture say? But if we’re not careful in this self reflection of trying to paint ourselves, we fall into the trap of looking for ourselves in Scripture, rather than looking for scripture to be in ourselves.
I’ve said this before, but I think dads and moms want to know how to do this every day. The people in your church don’t know how to do it. They don’t know how to pray with each other. They don’t know how to talk and read Scripture together. They don’t know how to ask those simple questions. And I think one of the things we’ve got to do is teach, train, and give a tool.
Kurt Bruner – Why Family Ministry is Getting Harder
We are living in a day and age where the front lines of spiritual warfare is the family.
How can the church make it easily and likely for families?
Is your desire to equip families to fit in with the world and wider culture or to stand out from the world and wider culture?
Distractions. Demographics. Defection. Antagonism.
There’s been a demographic shift away from parenthood.
In Japan they sold more diapers for the elderly than they did for babies.
When families aren’t being formed, and children aren’t being born, we see a decline in faith.
God designed the home to be the place that faith takes root.
When are the things of our culture that were are absorbing that are causing us to become more a product of our culture than a disciple of Christ?
Most people are products of the culture rather than disciples of Christ.
The gospel has always been a call to radical and distinct identity.
The Hope: The gospel has always been a radical call to a distinct identity.
Parents are not the spectators, they are the coach. Never let go of the reins.
If you’ve ever been part of a loving, healthy family you have smelled the sweet aroma of heaven. If you’ve lived in a troubled, broken home you have breathed the foul stench of hell. Spiritual formation starts with making your home what God intended it to be — a place of intimacy and joy instead of isolation and pain; a little bit of heaven rather than a foretaste of hell.
Carissa Potter – Parenting with a Global Vision
“Then Jesus came to them and sald, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…” Matthew 28:18-19
“Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: ‘All nations will be blessed through you.” Galatians 3:8
“After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb…” Revelation 7:9
Am I moving the story forward by what I am intentionally doing in the everyday?
If our God is a global God, then we must live as disciples with a global vision and raise disciples with a global vision.
“Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” Genesis 18:18-19
God invites your family into His global story. To love and reach not just your neighbors but also the nations.
Loving the nations should feel normal to our kids. Infuse God’s love and purposes for the nations into your everyday, normal family life.
3 Ways to Parent with a Global Vision
- Start with God’s Word. Help your children see God’s global vision woven all throughout Scripture. Study it. Talk about it. memorize it.
- Learn About the World. Hang a world map in your home. Learn about the nations through play, music, food, and stories.
- Be Multifaceted as You Live it Out. Build prayer habits. Find international opportunities in your community. Give strategically. Be specific about unreached people.
“May God be merciful and bless us. May his face smile with favor on us. Interlude May your ways be known throughout the earth, your saving power among people everywhere. May the nations praise you, O God. Yes, may all the nations praise you. Let the whole world sing for joy, because you govern the nations with justice and guide the people of the whole world. Interlude” Psalms 67:1-4 NLT
“To belong to Jesus is to embrace the nations with Him.” – William Carey
Michele White – Scriptural Savvy: Overcoming Your Fear of Personal Bible Study
“Let’s Pray” God has created us in such a way that even in the moment of prayer our body realizes there is a dependency on God.
Pursue Rightly And Yield.
When we are pursuing God, our appetites should change. The things He desires should be what we desire as well. It’s a pursuit.
Can we rightly divide the word of God with a Juicer?
2 important items to remember in studying God’s Word:
The Bible interprets the Bible.
There are No contradictions in the Word of God. When you feel there are look for God’s character to give the correct answer.
What about the pulp?
Emotions, Feelings, Thoughts, Opinions, Previous Experience, Spiritual Giants.
The pulp has value, it matters, but the pulp is not the truth.
Chris Sasser – Emotional Bags: Learning How to Lighten the Load
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.” Hebrews 12:1-2 NLT
We live in a broken world, fix our eyes on Jesus.
How would your life change if you could pay more attention to what you’re encountering that is forming your expression in the world?
We can’t change the past, but we don’t have to continue living there.
Traveling Light
We want to hear your life story, faith story, and family story.
A new target for success is health.
What if we could learn to be healthy: Mentally, Emotionally, Relationally, and Spiritually? This is the new target.
Walk away from the device. In a recent survey, the number one thing teens would like to change is ‘I wish my parents would spend less time on their phone and talk to me more.’”
“When your child starts speaking to you, put down your phone and look them in the eyes. Do this as soon as you hear their voice. Even if it’s just to tell them you need some time to finish whatever it is you were doing. But make eye contact every single time. Your child is more important than your phone. Never, ever give them a reason to think otherwise.”
Suggestions for how to be healthy Emotionally: Focus on embracing the peace that God offers. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts in your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
“Focus on the God of peace and receive the peace of God.”
Suggestions for how to be healthy relationally: Love and serve people like Jesus. Philippians 2:5-8
Suggestions for how to be healthy spiritually: “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. Where you put your attention will get your affection.
Tony Souder – The Secret Sauce of Building Belonging in the Church
God has made us with a longing to belong.
Young people in our churches, right now, according to Barna, are growing up in our churches but they do not sense that they belong.
We tend to leave the places and people we don’t feel a sense of belonging to.
Young people are experiencing the church differently than we do. They walk through a sea of adults that they don’t know, that they don’t have a confidence that these people are for them. They are in our churches now but they are leaving.
I believe we can make every young person in our church can belong. The secret sauce of belonging is prayer. Prayer is the fast-track for belonging between two people.
Jon Forrest – From “Super and Duper” to “Good and Faithful”
I would love to have a report card from the Lord. How am I doing? Is it a numbers game? Are you allowed to take your foot off the excelerator from time to time?
The Lord is not looking for super duper. In Matthew 25 we see the example.
““The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’” Matthew 25:23 NLT
The Lord isn’t looking for super duper hero’s, he’s looking for servants.
“A lot of well-meaning disciple making machines who want to be super duper for all the right reasons scorch along at a breakneck pace as if they have discovered a new spiritual discipline of perpetual exhaustion and hurry. But when it comes to disciple making I’m learning that it is done best when it’s done slow and small.” -Jon D Forrest, D6 Conf ‘24
Hurry is not a spiritual discipline.
I believe the most urgent business in the world is winning people to the Lord. It’s urgent, but I don’t want it to be hurried.
1. Because you’re not super duper…
Some good things will go left undone, one of them cannot be your family.
My full attention should not be a treat for my family.
“And then he told them, “Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone.” Mark 16:15 NLT
The fruit of the spirit cannot be done quickly.
“Preach the Gospel, die, and be forgotten.” – Nikolaus von Zinzendorf
The Gospel does not ride on my shoulders, I ride on the shoulders of the Gospel.
Matt Markins – We’re Stuck in a Stalemate
The church and home stalemate.
The top 3 epic relationship stalemates of all time…
Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson.
Bilbo Baggins and Gollum
Jim and Dwight
“Parents are the primary spiritual influence of their children.” This statement has become our foam finger.
We have to move beyond the declaration, “Parents are the primary…” It’s accurate but incomplete.
1. Define the Stalemate
Get the Book: “Children’s Ministry in a New Reality.”
Church Leaders and Parents do not agree on the domain of faith formation. The Church’s leading strategy to train and equip parents is to give them a resource. What’s the outcome? The take home paper has founds its way to the minivan floor.
Joy and grief can sit side by side. I feel like all you want me to do is to sit in the ditch and cry with you. Exactly. In the sitting, wounds begin to heal and relationships begin to grow. They don’t need declaration, they need more dialog. The church as to move to relational equipping with parents.
Declaration: It is true (theology) that parents are the primary disciples of their children.
Dialogue: It’s also true that by not relationally engaging the saints in training and equipping (orthopraxy) to disciple their own children, the church is falling short of our mission of disciple-making.
David Gibbs – Elevating Your Ministry Through Smart Staff Selection
How many of you understand that the wrong person can blow your place up?
Hire intentionally aligning gifts/talents with competencies, not by emotion or relationship.
Define positions by positions, not people.
Get out of the personalities and be subjective.
Define success for the position and ask applicants what their approach would be and what tools they would need.
Remember: Certain types of talented people may not fit in the culture of your ministry.
Don’t confuse talent with spirit. A talented bad spirit is more dangerous than a less talented one. Don’t look simply at their degrees.
Use written applications and employment agreements identifying all terms/conditions.
How many of you believe we shouldn’t sue each other? That we should resolve things biblically. Binding Christian arbitration should be in all agreements.
Check references thoroughly by interviewing former employers. They jump from place to place because we don’t check reference. Ask, “Would you be 100% delighted to have this person back?”
Run credit checks and background checks. If they refuse, then don’t hire them.
Remember, nobody is better than the wrong somebody. Nobody won’t put you in court. Nobody won’t have an affair. Nobody will embezzle money. Make sure you have the right person, don’t just fill a spot. If you don’t fill the spot, the ministry will still move forward.
You can get sued by what they do. You have the responsibility to oversee them. If they go and do something, then you are on the hook.
Evaluating Your Ministry Through Smart Staff Selection
Ron Hunter and David Gibbs
Book: How to Find the Right Pastor.
https://findpastor.com/pages/resources
People, Personalities, and Policies.
We tend to hire based on emotions and potentially one good interaction or one good sermon while we haven’t done our homework.
Hire within your philosophy.
The quality of your ministry will rise and fall based on the people in your ministry.
The people will reflect out. If you put someone up on the stage the people will reflect them.
People don’t have to be perfect, but they have to be safe. Judgement, discretion, propriety, and other factors. It’s different if you see things that are off and lines are being crossed towards dangerous/not safe.
Learn how to create a profile of the ideal staff member and match the candidate’s criteria to better prepare for the interview process, while removing the risk of emotional selections and providing answers in a trustworthy manner.
5 Major Categories
Review
Biblical Criteria – What are the unwritten expectations?
Unwritten Expectations – Dress standards, music, and family standards (what is required away from the church. Often unwritten expectations like Bible versions.)
Theology – Be careful when picking people if they don’t fit. Groups try to cross theology but this often blows up. Know your fundamentals because these will create major tension in the culture. Even in other positions than lead positions, they still have influence over the church and the next generation.
Education – How much does it matter when you purchase an item based on the label of who made it? If the labels matter in garments the label of your education matters also.
You need a diverse representation helping in the hiring. Not just extroverts.
If you ignore these criteria, you wind up spending time building independent ministries.
Five Phases of Hiring:
Prepare for Your Search
Build Your Pastoral Profile
Find and Narrow Your Top 3-5 Candidates
First Interviews with Your Top 3-5 Candidates
Your Top Candidate Visit and the Vote.
Know what is non-negotiable and preferences.
No impulse, at least work through the process. If you have to slow down for 6 months, that’s so much better than getting the wrong person. More ministry trauma than if you just slowed down. There’s a tension because there’s not enough people out there.
When building a 20M building, you pay to have the plan upfront to make sure it all works. That cost is worth every dollar.
When you lose a key leader, how long do you wait before filling them?
Lead Pastor. If they have been there 10 years, then a month per year for the search process. Unless they left on difficult circumstances. If they are beloved and sitting in the front row still then time is needed for the church to transition.
How do we pay? Your budget is a factor here in hiring. You may be able to afford a search firm. People might need to step up in the season without a pastor to serve the church.
An interim? This person may be exempt from being a candidate but in that process you may discover a gem from someone who is filling in during the downtime.
When the pastor is gone, there’s stress. A good leader is always building their replacement in. Pastors should be getting their church ready while you’re still leading.
Train your board in this process. What would happen if you weren’t here? What would you want us to do. This is kind of like writing a will. We don’t like thinking about a world without us. What would happen if you weren’t here. Have something in place just incase it is ever needed.
Our churches don’t hire frequently so they may not be good at it.
Prepare for Your Search: Download the church assessment.
Build Your Pastor Profile.
What do the donors of your church want in their next pastor. These people have skin in the game. Most churches are a donor driven model.
Don’t go to the grocery store without a shopping list.
Most litigation revolves around power. Making decisions or spending money. Churches are famous for half expectations. Who has the authority to make decisions? Who can hire and fire? Have this defined. A growing church needs to give the pastor enough authority that they are inspired to actually do it.
Tell me about your bible reading this past week.
Tell me about your prayer life.
Tell me about how you are discipling somebody.
When was the last time you lead someone to Christ?
Ask them face to face and you’ll get the most honest answer. Ambush them a little bit.
Non-Negotiable should be a list of just 3-5.
Be realistic in your strongly preferred categories. Is it even possible?
Can I mow my grass in shorts? Can I preach out of any translation?
Talk money early, not late. You can spend so much time going down an unrealistic route. If they say they are okay with a lower salary you can ask, “How do you plan on making it work?”
Comparison Chart
First Interviews: Group interviews close together so you can easily compare candidates. Have everyone there. Give them an appropriate amount of time. Then we will rank them again after the interviews.
Follow up on the candidates 1uestionnaire. Are there flaws? Did they do good work with this? Use the follow up interview to
Ask General Questions: Observe how passionate they are in their answers. Can you actually listen to this person week after week? Does their personality match what you saw on paper?
Use Scenario Questions: If the youth pastor asked to use the van for personal use while their car is getting fixed?
Probe Doctrine – lean on clergy connections for help.
Two Way Interview – they also need to be interviewing you. Does the board actually reflect the church? If you have young families in your church but they are not represented on the board then they may draw a different conclusion about the church.
Evaluate Candidate Communication: Written skills, verbal skills, non-verbal skills, sermons. Their level needs to be at or slightly above your congregation. Find sermons from 4 years ago, not just their trial sermon. Also find out how do they generate content? Are they AI reliant?
Your top candidate visit and the vote. Bring their whole family in. Treat them well. Put them in a nice hotel. Don’t put them in someone’s home because they may need time to digest as a family.
What is a sufficient vote? Factions and none can get 80%. If Jesus showed up to teach could He even get 80%? Be careful when you go to the vote with a realistic expectation. Communicate ahead of time so the candidate understands.
Jim Putman – Hope for the Prodigal
I don’t remember a dinner growing up where someone didn’t call or show up.
One of the biggest mistake was believing saying no to the church meant saying no to God.
God gives me permission to say no to the church so I can be there for my family.
The greatest Father in eternity lost His two kids in the garden of Eden. What did God do wrong?
What does it look like to be God’s version of the church? What does it look like to be a church that knows every single week there’s somebody’s prodigal that’s walking in the door?
It’s my prayer that you have a relationship with Jesus and a relationship with others.
It’s not what you do for Jesus, it’s who you are in Christ.
It’s not the prodigal son, it’s the prodigal sons. Both sons lacked spiritual fruit in their lives. A prodigal is someone who is not walking with Christ and being obedient to Him.
Shane Pruitt – You Don’t Have to Be Cool & There is No Secret Sauce
Mama said, “I’m praying God makes you miserable in your rebellion.”
We are all benefactors of next gen ministries. It’s because of Psalm 145:4.
We have a lot more in common than we realize.
“The now generation has become the Me generation” New York Times, written in 1976 about boomers).
“They have trouble making decisions. They would rather hike in the Himalayas than climb a corporate ladder. They crave entertainment, but their attention span is a short as one zap of a TV dial. They postpone marriage because they dread divorce.” Time Magazine 1990 (About Xers)
There is no secret to reaching young people. These things remain true: The Holy Spirit is the power to reach. The Bible is still relevant to equip and disciple. The Gospel can still save.
Now is the time to reach students!
Students are the church right now. They’re not the future of the church. It’s our job to equip them to be the church of today!
The next generation isn’t scared to die young, they are scared of boredom. We need to raise the bar because they are the church right now.
Students are not ageist. Young people don’t care how old you are. They are not looking for cool leaders they are looking for authentic ones.
We don’t retire from discipleship, we just graduate one day.
Young people don’t need adults who act like kids to reach kids. Be you.
They know brokenness all too well. Young people are asking a lot of questions and experiencing a lot of confusion over these things: sexuality, sex, and gender. Culture is screaming about these things while the church remains silent so the next generation only hears one point of view.
1 in 6 Gen Z identify as LGBTQ+. Roughly half of Gen Zers (48%) say gay marriage is a good thing for our society. Roughly half of Gen Zers (50%) think that society is not accepting enough of trans and non-binary identifying people. *Pew Research
Students are on a truth journey. Young people are desperate for truth. They are a truth hungry generation.
81% of Gen Z say they’re curious about the Bible
64% of Gen Z said they wished they read the Bible more
60% of Gen Z said they wanted to know more about Jesus
*American Bible Society & Bama Research Group
The definition of marriage, conception, etc. Biblical truth before it became a political statement. The world is infringing on the scriptures truth, not vice versa.
The next generation is sick and tired of self help none sense because they see it doesn’t actually help.
The world has bullied the church into silence.
Follow your heart…You will fallow your heart right into a ditch.
Be your authentic self…Your authentic self is a sinner in need of Jesus.
Live your truth…no, there is THE truth, and His name is Jesus.
No young person is too lost, too dirty, too broken, too wounded, too far gone, too guilty, too sinful for Jesus!
Partnering with Millennial Parents – Brittany Nelson
Who are millennial parents?
28-43 years old today. Make up the largest generation alive today. 22% of the population. Born between 1981-1996.
Millennials are the first generation of digital natives. It may have been dialup but they still grew up with internet. 2006 iPhone came out. A common word of millennials is demanding but they grew up in an on demand world. They live in a world where social media creates unrealistic expectations.
Live in a world of information overload. So many contradictory voices.
Diversity world. Not just racially but family makeup. The family makeup looks different today. Average age of first child is 28. Both parents work and depend on both incomes. Diverse in parenting styles. Children being invited into family decisions.
Not anti-religious just apathetic. Help them understand the value of our faith and why it’s important.
3 C’s to partnering with millennial parents.
Connection: Check in with them. What’s the hardest thing about raising a child? Imagine if a trusted church leader checked in and prayed for their families. Be intentional.
A parent counsel advisory board to bounce ideas off of. Get their feedback. Learn from them. Millennial parents want to contribute not just consume.
Maybe once a quarter offer a connection point after service. Bring in king of pops and make it fun. Help them linger and gather. Memories and shared experiences.
Convenience: How does this make my life easier? Know the resources parents have available. Are you asking parents to print something at home?
Parents spend a lot of time in the car. Consider a mini podcast series. Consider a Spotify playlist.
Make a realistic calendar. Don’t overload them.
Customization: Parents have a mentality where they want to make things fit what they are doing. A parent may even ask to change the date of a church event to fit their personal schedule.
Freebies and Resources:
10 MILLENNIAL PARENT TRENDS
Let’s take some time to learn a little more about the Millennial parents in our ministries. Below are 10 trends about the Millennial generation of parents gathered from various sources. Read through them and discuss with those around you:
- Which, if any, trends have you seen in the parents in your ministry?
- Which, if any, trends surprise you?
- Which, if any, trends concern you?
Talk about your reactions to these trends and how they might influence the way you partner with parents.
- 82% of Millennial parents work, and today’s parents are busier than ever before, but they are spending more time with their children, and they place high value on togetherness and family time.!
- Nearly half (46%) of Millennial parents feel burned out? 64% of moms said they believe parenting is more competitive today than it used to be?
- 96% of Millennials (in general, not just parents) lack a biblical worldview. Instead, they have a worldview known as syncretism, a blending of multiple worldviews in which no single life philosophy is dominant, producing a worldview that is diverse and often self-contradictory.4
- Only 50% of Millennials think religion is important in raising children.
- Millennials are the most racially and ethnically diverse generation in our history. More than four out of 10 Millennials are non-white and more than 40% of Millennials are foreign-born.
- Three out of four Millennials lack consistent trust in the words and decisions of Christian pastors. Instead, the most influential voices are their parents, friends, and the online world.®
- Millennials are getting married later and having children later in life than previous generations.? but they are much more likely to be child-centric than parents in the 1960s.®
- In their parenting style, Millennials focus heavily on open communication and emotional intelligence with their kids. 73% of Millennial parents believe their parenting style is better than past generations?
- Millennials place a high value on having a mentor, and they consistently express a strong desire to learn from a mentor who listens to them and values their thoughts and opinions too.
- 42% of Millennials haven’t gone more than 5 hours without looking at social media, and younger Millennials check their phones around 150 times a day, significantly higher than the average of 581º
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Derek Alton – Parenting the Parents of Children and Teen Ministry.
How did you feel parenting would be before actually having kids? Know the answers. Unconditional love. Fun and games. Cheap. Natural and easy.
Actual parenting is full of: Heartache. Sleepless nights. Stress. Disobedience. Fighting. Heartache. Intentional relationship time. Tough transitions. Managing screen time. (Modeled, if you can’t say amen then you may need to say ouch.) Exhaustion.
We have grand visions of what it will be like but it doesn’t always line up.
Seasons of Parenting / Four C’s of Parenting.
Don’t get stuck in one of these stages.
Care Giver Stage – birth to 2 years old. Feeding them. Keeping them safe. Providing emotional needs. Diapers. The stage we are doing everything.
Cop Stage – 2 to age 11. Safety because they don’t have fear. Authority. Teaching. Setting boundaries. Faith formation.
Give more and more decision making in this phase so they learn before the decisions have bigger consequences.
Book Recommendation: Feeding The Mouth That Bites You: A Complete Guide to Parenting Adolescents and Launching Them Into the World
Coach Stage – 12 to 18 years old. Gritting your teeth. Life skills. Application of faith. Late Nights.
In this phase I stop worry about their space and keeping it clean but focus on public spaces.
Life360 is a wonderful app for accountability.
Consultant – 18+. Fixing things around the house. Not telling them what to do but deciding if you should weigh in or not. Hear more than talk. “If I was in this situation…” Sharing options on a whiteboard. A good listener.
Something hurting these phases is the copter parent. You still are the cop or the caregiver when they have moved out of that phase. You hover over them and make decisions for them when you should be coaching or consulting.
If we act as helicopter parents then it messes with the kids self worth and identity. They can’t do things for themselves.
We need to focus on Conversations. Kids want our focused time in conversations where we are just there with them and not criticizing them. Conversations about faith and cool things God is doing. Just conversations.
Before putting in your AirPods, let’s check in. 3 family fun questions in the D6 app. Often the conversations are so good the AirPods never happens.
Mentors. Sometimes it’s loving and bringing them back other times it’s a kick in the pants. We have to get students deeply engaged with the Bible. 3-4 days a week make a huge impact. Also, get them involved in service. Partner them with a mentor in the local church and let them serve together; maybe even mom and dad.
Parenting Tools:
D6Family App
30 Days App by Dr. Richard Ross
See you next year!
