Live Updates: Insights and notes from the D6 Family Ministry Conference

Note: I’ll be updating this post over the next 3 days with all my breakout and session notes. Check back in for live updates and follow along on social media with #D62025

Tech’s Big Three – Nathan Sutherland

Breakout 1

Address smartphones, video games, and pornography with grace, hope, and confidence.

Use tech to support the purpose, not distract from it. 

Average age of a gamer in US – 36

Candy crush players are considered gamers. 

God doesn’t help you manage sin, He kills it. 

“I wasn’t gaming for fun, I was medicating with video games.“

Jesus and his disciples:Do you love me more than these?” These things you are coping with.

Love God. Use Tech.

Tech’s Big Three

Intro: It all started with a little Mario Brothers…

1. Smartphones (app delivery) 

Tool tech vs drool tech. 

Keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more than you want to pay. 

Duolingo – tech keeps you longer than you intended. App designed to take your attention. We see young people struggling to keep the boundaries because there is behavioral design baked into it. 

Social media stimulates brains and isn’t appropriate for undeveloped brains who have not learned to be faithful with the little things. 

a. Should my child have a smartphone? 

5 Cautions:

1.   app delivery system
2.   social media
3.   predators / bullies
4.   pornography
5.   video games

b. Smartphone solutions: Gabb, Bark software, Bark phone

Many young people are getting rid of social media. Why? Spending so much time living in other peoples stories and haven’t lived his own. 

If they can’t be kind to their siblings, how do you expect them to magically deal with online strangers? 

Predators and bullies enter your child through smart phones. 

If you haven’t talked with them about Pedifile and Pornography then why give them access? 

Wait – delay is the way. We delay because we are hopeful not fearful. 

Give kids the trust they earned but also a dog to help them build digital independence. 

Reset Resource: 5 ways to think about your tech. Don’t argue with the young person, argue for them. 

30 days to recalibrate with tech overstimulation. Cold turkey. They will be angry but you won’t damage them. 

2. Video Games

a. Should my child play this game?

1.   Would I have this character over for dinner?
2.   Is violence part of it or the point?
3.   Is the language helpful or hurtful?
4.   Does the content meet our family expectations?
5.   Are themes age appropriate?
6.   Can it be beaten?

b. Game review resource: Entertainment Software Review Board (ESRB.org)

Prov 22:6 – train them. 

You become fond of the characters you spend the most time with. They form norms around the characters so make sure they are positive. 

Mario cart has violence but it’s not the point whereas mortal combat where violence IS the point. The line where it’s hard is Fortnite. For some people it’s violent and others it’s laser tag. 

Phil 4:8 the content. Does it celebrate good stuff? Does the game experience include micro transactions? Unfair game design with prestige classes. Get to level 50 and prestige to 10 levels. There is also a 11th category…sunk cost fallacy. Unsafe game design. Roblox fan content. Ruben Sims YouTube. He now posts content about predators and profiles. There is no way to ensure safety and play environment test. Can it be beaten? Minecraft type games where it goes forever. Ask, “Does this game align with my family?”

Ask kids about the game. Will you show me your favorites? What are you most proud of? Teach me how to play. Just participating to communicate it’s a family thing. Ask can we do it together? Be present some but don’t be overbearing. Invest in them. 

3. Pornography

a. How do I protect my child from pornography?

•   Be informed: Pornography changes the brain, causes depression, hurts relationships
•   Talk it out: Pornography is a specific type of content that addresses a specific heart problem. We want to address both, and the heart first and foremost (Matthew 5:28-30)
•   Make a plan: Family, Network, Devices

b. Pornography protection: Covenant Eyes, Gryphon Router, Good Pictures, Bad Pictures by Kristen A Jenson

3/4 of teenagers have seen pornography. Of those 3/4 more than half saw it on accident. 52%. Don’t be worried that you will drive your kids to it because they are already seeing it. Jesus brings freedom to hard conversations. 

Study in UK came out 5 weeks ago when they say it’s terrible for human trafficking and porn doesn’t adopt to us we adopt to it. We adapt our appetites.  

Supernormal stimuli study – butterfly experiment. We can adapt our behaviors and appetites to un natural. We can alter healthy norms to become unhealthy. Norman Doiche. Pornography causes your bring to adapt to what is being served. 

Teach kids you will not be mad at them when they share what makes them uncomfortable. Guilt is a thing that brings us back to repentance. Shame is condemning. Eph 2:1-10 while we were sinners. The church sucks at sin. We pretend it doesn’t exist. 

Book Recommendation: Good pictures bad pictures – Kristen jenson. 

Book Recommendation: Wise advise from loving moms by Greta Eskridge. 

Make a plan. Talk it out. Share what happened. It’s beautiful when kids mess up and ask for help. Celebrate like they got straight A’s because darkness has been exposed to light and restoration is available. 

Love God and use tech…not the other way around. Don’t use God and love tech.

The Gospel

The Gospel is the good news that God saves sinners (Ephesians 2:1-10)

1.   We are sinners (V.1)
2.   Saved by grace (v.4-5)
3.   For the world, not from it (v.10)

You are a sinner BUT GOD. Direct your kids to Jesus. Scratch by MIT brings joy. 

We are saved “For the world, not from it.” Freedom in Christ including freedom from your cell phone. Digital freedom.  

Resources Referenced in This Talk:

Question #1: When Should My Child Get a Smartphone?

Great dumb phones:

•   The Gabb Phone and watch (gabb.com)
•   The Bark Phone (bark.us/bark-phone/)

Trust, and verify. Software to go with your child online:

•   Bark software (iPhone & Android. Works best on Android – bark.us/bark-premium)
•   Covenant Eyes (Image accountability. Works best on Android – covenanteyes.com)
•   Want help installing Covenant Eyes? https://www.youtube.com/@loveGodusetech

Question #2: Which Games Should My Child Play?

Before you play a game:

•   Ask the six questions – Gospel Tech Game Review Tool (gospeltech.net/resources)
•   Assess game content with the Entertainment Software Review Board (ESRB.org)
•   Check out how long a game takes to beat (howlongtobeat.com)
  Note: Any game with completion times over 200 hours is effectively endless. This high play time is reflecting the fact that players never really quit (World of Warcraft, Fortnite, Minecraft).
•   Remember: We have a biblical standard for our game content:
  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

Question #3: How Do I Protect My Child from Pornography?

Start the conversation early:

•   Good Pictures Bad Pictures, by Kristen A. Jenson
•   Wise advice from loving moms: Greta Eskridge (@maandpamodern), Mary Flo and Megan (@birds
•   Research on the impacts of pornography: Fight the New Drug (ftnd.org); The Brain That Changes Itself by Dr. Norman Doidge, Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke; Surfing for God by Michael John Cusick

Pornography changes the brain:

•   Barrett, Deirdre. (2010). Supernormal stimulus.
•   Voon, V., et al. (2014). Neural Correlates of Sexual Cue Reactivity in Individuals with and without
• Compulsive Sexual Behaviors
•   Banca, P., Morris, L. S., Mitchell, S., Harrison, N. A., Potenza, M. N., & Voon, V. (2016). Novelty, conditioning and attentional bias to sexual rewards
•   Kühn, S., & Gallinat, J. (2014). Brain structure and functional connectivity associated with pornography
•   Albery, I. P., Lowry, J., Frings, D., Johnson, H. L., Hogan, C., & Moss, A. C. (2017). Exploring the Relationship between Sexual Compulsivity and Attentional Bias to Sex-Related Words in a Cohort of Sexually Active Individuals
•   anxiety, depression, and reduced well-being: Wordecha, Wilk et al, 2018; Harper, Hodgins, 2016
•   dangerous sexual behaviors: Wright, Tokunaga et al, 2016; Zhou, Liu, et all, 2021
•   Interpersonal and relational problems: Rhoads, Markman, 2011; Write, Tokunaga, 2017; Perry, 2018

There is great hope: In Christ we are new creations (2 Cor. 5:17) who have everything in Christ (2 Pet. 1:3-5)

Podcast episodes

•   Ep. 211: How Do We Talk About Pornography? (START HERE, #5)
•   Ep. 191 & 182: Pornography and our children, a conversation with Sam Black of Covenant Eyes

In Church as It Is in Heaven: Multiplying Diversity in Your Church No Matter Where You Are

Diversity wasn’t a buzzword for the earliest Christians; it was a way of life. Yet today Sunday mornings are some of the week’s most segregated hours. Churches are separated along generational, socioeconomic, and ethnic lines. If you long to highlight the power of the gospel by cultivating a multigenerational, multi-soci-economic, multiethnic congregation in your community, this session will show you where to start.

There was a vast multitude from every nation, tribe, people, and language, which no one could number” (Rev. 7:9-10).

Matthew 6:9-10

“Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10).

THE GAP – 86% of American evangelical pastors say churches should be more diverse yet fewer than 1/4 of churches in America are diverse. 

Diversity for its own sake leads to disaster. Diversity based on the Gospel by a desire to model God’s kingdom on earth is beautiful. 

2015-2016, started moving this direction. Never anticipated Koreans being a part of their church, and so excited God is moving the church this direction. 

•   People tend to cluster according to ethnicity, age, and socioeconomic background.
•   The world’s solutions to these separations are not working.
•   When the church unites people that the world can’t, that provides a powerful apologetic for the truth of the gospel.

THE GOAL: To provide a biblically-faithful resource to remove the barriers that stand in the way of healthy ethnic, socioeconomic, and generational diversity.

Buy the book: In Church as it is in Heaven

The Right Goals: 

To Recognize And Remove Unrecognized Barriers That Prevent Individuals From Any Ethnicity, Age Group, Or Socioeconomic Background From Feeling Welcomed

The Wrong Goals: 

To Grow A Diverse Church

To Attract Percentages Of A Particular Ethnicity, Age Group, Or Socioeconomic Strata

To Expect Every Church To Be Diverse In The Same Way

Many people want diversity but the secular strategies have failed. 

God delights in the diversity of His church. Acts 13:1 and Acts 6:1-6

1 Cor 1:26

James 2:1-13

Titus 2:1-8 shows generational diversity. 

THE GUIDE

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?	IS YOUR CHURCH PRACTICING THIS TRUTH? IF SO, HOW?
Early Christians valued ethnic and cultural diversity (Acts 6:1-6; 13:1)
Early Christians valued socioeconomic diversity (James 2:1-13; see also 1 Cor 1:26)
Paul commanded intergenerational relationships (Titus 2:1-8)
God’s eternal kingdom is multiethnic (Rev 5:9; 7:9; 21:16), and Christians pray for God’s kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven (Matt 6:9-10)

•   MULTIETHNIC/MULTIGENERATIONAL/MULTISOCIOECONOMIC:
•   KINGDOM:
•   CULTURE:

PRACTICES TO CULTIVATE KINGDOM CULTURE IN YOUR CHURCH

Don’t copy the speaker or the speakers church. Use his insight to spark ideas. Don’t even try everything, just try something. 

THE PURPOSE	THE PRACTICE	EXTRA DETAILS
1. PLANT A DESIRE FOR DIVERSE WORSHIP THAT IS YET TO COME	A mission trip that never leaves home	Partner With A Church That Is Ethnically, Generationally, Or Socioeconomically Different From Your Own Plan A Mission Trip That Spends Part Of The Time Near Their Church And Part Of The Time Near Your Church, Sharing Sleeping And Eating Times Together WORSHIP Together Each Evening, Celebrating Present And Future Fellowship
2. LEARN THE STORY OF YOUR PLACE	A resource that tells the story of what has separated people in your place	Create A Resource That Tells The Story Of What Has Separated People In Your Place Draw From Church Records And Local Histories To Prepare A Brief Resource That Describes How Divisions Between Different Groups Emerged In Your Context. Present Your Findings In A Worship Service And Make Space To LAMENT These Divisions.
3. RECOGNIZE WHAT STANDS IN THE WAY OF WELCOME	Friendships that examine honestly what prevents people from being welcomed	Diversity itself is never the goal and percentages are not the standard for success. The goal is to celebrate what is good in each culture and to remove any cultural barriers so that the only cause for offense is the gospel and God’s Word. • Pray For God To Guide You Into Authentic Friendships With Persons From A Group That Is PRESENT IN YOUR CONTEXT But NOT IN YOUR CHURCH. Learn What Might Keep Them From Feeling WELCOME In Your Church.
4. GROW IN YOUR GIVING	Identification of cultural preferences	Rejoice In Your Preferences, And Be Willing To Let Them Go Visit A Faithful Nearby Church That Differs From Your Church Ethnically, Generationally, Or Socioeconomically. Begin To Identify Your Church’s Cultural Preferences. Be Thankful For These Preferences And Pray That You Would Be Willing To GIVE Them Up, If Necessary.
5. EXPAND YOUR FELLOWSHIP	Equal partnership with a church whose demographics are different from yours	Form An Equal PARTNERSHIP Between Your Church And A Faithful Local Church With Demographics That Are Different From Your Church. Bring Church Staffs Together Regularly For Prayer. Gather Together On An Equal And Regular Basis For Worship, Fellowship, And Sharing A Meal.

Multiethnic, Multigenerational, Multisocioeconomic Church Requires Multiethnic, Multigenerational, Multisocioeconomic Hospitality

Pray For God To Guide You Into Authentic Friendships With Persons From A Group That Is PRESENT IN YOUR CONTEXT But NOT IN YOUR CHURCH.

Learn What Might Keep Them From Feeling WELCOME In Your Church.

Ask, what would it be that would make you feel unwelcome in our community or church? 

For example, does the cost of camp make people feel unwelcome? 

Our music is an equal opportunity offender. Different music styles so we don’t get locked into “our way” of doing worship. 

Revelation 21:23-27 “And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it. And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there.”

Recognize you have a culture and that’s good, but we willing to give it up for the sake of reaching someone else. 

Rank these 5 practices from easiest to hardest.

Just do the next right thing! 

Incorporate food into multi ethic worship services! 

Kingdom diversity is not a goal you achieve through your power; it’s a gift you practice by God’s power.

Common challenges: Those in the majority culture don’t realize we have a culture. We think it’s neutral or default and we just don’t see that it’s actually a culture. It’s difficult to see this without spending time with people who are different than yourself. They are not bad people just insulated. 

Ask, “What would it look like if you succeeded?” Is there answer about more people or loving people? Often with good intentions but intentions that have gone astray.  

—

General Session 1

Russ Ramsey  – Creating in Community

Storytelling is one of your primary ways of communicating. 

How a painter you’ve probably never heard of used friendship to give us paintings everyone has seen. 

“A proper community is a commonwealth: a place, a resource, an economy. It answers the needs, practical as well as social and spiritual, of its members— among them the need to need one another.” —Wendell Berry

Jean Frederic Bazille is who helped make all this possible. 

Jean declared he would be an artist. His father let him pursue it…as long as Jean agreed to also study medicine. Jean enrolled in both medicine and art and became friends with Auguste Renoir, Edouard Manet, and Claude Monet. When finances grew tight, Jean would purchase paintings and supplies to help the other artists stay afloat. This was an investment in an artist he deeply respected. Jean shared studio space. 9 Rue de la Condamine grew a fellowship of other great artists. 

Friends who created art in the context of community. 

They formed the anonymous society of painters sculptors and engravers.

“They found themselves forming a homogeneous group, with all of them having a more or less similar view of nature; and so they picked up the description that had been made of them, ‘Impressionists,’ and used it as a banner. They were called Impressionists in a spirit of mockery; Impressionists they remained out of pluck.” — Emile Zola

“We play a role in blowing on the embers of whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely…”

Dannah Gresh – Freedom how Jesus and His word Heals Emotional Dysregulation

Genesis 1 :1-2 – God has always been at work in the darkness. 

Psalm 30 He has lifted me out of the pit. 

“Today’s average young person between ages 9 and 17 scores as high on anxiety scales as children admitted to psychiatric clinics in 1957.

Juliet Schor,Sociology Professor at Boston College

Emotions are a good tool of God. He created them and deemed them good. 

When our emotions are dysregulation it’s because we have believed lies. We aren’t good enough. We can’t overcome. We are stupid. We are ugly. These lies are from the enemy. 

‘Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32

We ourselves can fall into bondage. 

Abide – stay, dwell, remain in, return to. Stay in His words. Not one hour a week. Live in it. Stay in it. 

Lifeway released a study and saw that those who read the Bible weekly or even 3x a week there wasn’t much of a difference but at 4x a week loneliness was down 30%, anger down 32%, bitterness down 40%, alcoholism down 57%, and pornography down 61%. 

Know (ginosko)- to know intimately. Know Jesus. The knowing changes everything. 

“What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the housetops for all to hear!” – Matthew 10:27

Free (eleutheroso) – to liberate. Freedom in the world’s definition leads to bondage but the Lord’s definition is different. Liberation from the thoughts that haunt you. 

Freedom is not the absence of darkness but the presence of the light of Christ in it. 

“Freedom is not the absence of darkness, but the presence of the light of Christ in it.”

Truth – the ultimate remedy. 

1. Recognize the evidence of lies. 

2. Identify the lie and stop feeding it. 

3. Replace the lie with Truth. 

Tim Goodyear – Passing the Baton 

Olympics Rio 2016 – The fumbled baton.

As any track coach will testify, relay races are won or lost at the transfer of the baton. If failure is to occur it will likely happen during the exchange. 

Pass the baton of faith to the next generation. Why, what, and how to do it. 

The Why…

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” -Deuteronomy 6:4-9

“And when the Lord your God brings you into the land..with great and good cities…houses full of all good things…and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt…It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by his name you shall swear. You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you.” – Deuteronomy 6:10-14

And Joshua… died at the age of 110 years… And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel. And the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals. And they abandoned the Lord, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of the land of Egypt. They went after other gods, from among the gods of the people who were around them and bowed down to them. And they provoked the Lord to anger.” – Judges 2:8-12

God’s plan is that faith is transferred from one generation to the next within the context of the home and family. Parents have these commands on their heart first and then press or mold them into their children. It only takes one fumble and a whole generation will not know the Lord. 

The What…

Create a culture of family discipleship within our churches. 

Culture: Ideas, attitudes, behaviors, and customs of a people group. 

The thinking and the doing of our people. Not that activities but the thinking and doing. 

Equipping 

“And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.” Ephesians 4:11-12

Preparing mentally (teaching/training)

Supply with necessary items (tools/equipment)

The How…

The 10 Keys…

Empower a Champion

”Two-Degree” Strategies

Establish New Measures

Use Existing Time Slots

Support Existing Vision

”Home Lens” for All

Culture of Intentionality

Customization is Key

Invest in Tools for Families

Give Vision for the Home

General Session 2 – Austin Fruits – Finding Freedom From Pornography

Average age of exposure is around 8 years old now-a-days. 

You know what happens when you confess over and over again and continue to struggle the doubts begin to creep in. Does God even care? Can He even use me? 

Pornography removed me emotionally from my family. 

How can someone love me so much when I care so little for myself. 

“When we live 99% known, but 1% unknown, we live as if we are fully unknown.”

Name the problem. Reach out to those who love you no matter what. 

“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

There is no wasted time…

Give other people the gift of being seen. 

‘With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.” Ephesians 4:17-19

Hardening to their hearts. 

Loss all sensitivity

Sensuality

Every kind of impurity 

Biblical Model of Addiction:
Futility of thinking —> Separated from the life of God —> Hearts Hardened  —> Loss all feeling  —> Sensuality  —>  Continual Lust for More

When you lose the ability to self-medicate you feel loneliness, worthless, and unlovable. 

Stages of Change

1. Pre-Contemplation

2. Contemplation

3. Preparation

4. Action

5. Maintenance

6. Relapse

El Roi – the God who sees. Hagar

Is 9:6 “For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

Allow yourself to be seen. Give someone else the gift of being seen. This is the foundation to helping someone fight pornography and wrestle with addition. 

When we confess our sins to God, He offers forgiveness. When we confess our sins to others, He offers healing. 

Russ Ramsey

By the time Palm Sunday arrives the enemy is looking for ways to throw you off your game. 

The enemy works by making you frustrated and irritated to people on your team. 

We bring gifts and limitations to the team to become strong in places where others are weak and to be repairing one another. 

The Lord takes care of our people, and He takes care of you!

The Storm on the Sea of Galilee – Rembrandt depicts those who never stop and are doing the work. The other group are those who are pleeding with the one who is in the boat with them to do something. 

Jesus is in the boat as well Rembrandt himself. He painted himself into the art. They are asking if Jesus cares that they are perishing without remembering that He is there BECAUSE they are perishing. He’s in the boat with you because He loves you. 

Give yourself time to just breathe and remember the Lord goes before you, He loves those you are serving, and you are dear to the heart of God. He goes before you. He cares for you. 

Linc Taylor – Appreciating the Wants and Needs in Your Child

Sharpen the chainsaw. 

Ah ha moments. Paul on the road to Damascus. 

Parents are the primary disciplers of their children. There’s a perplexity and opportunity in this phrase. 

A white lights explodes with colors when it runs through a prism. In the ordinary days of family life you are always discipling. Sometimes you see it and sometimes you don’t. The prism shows us its about relationship and so much more. 

Influence is more complex than just teaching a devotion.

Wants vs Needs

Wants: Desires that are closer to the surface of an individual. Visible. 

Needs: Below the water but more real in a kids life. Like the iceberg. 

Wants focused parting vs needs focused parenting:

Close to the Surface vs below the surface longings. 

Simply provide things vs build a healthy relationship. 

Efficiency vs Experience

Swayed by the immediate vs guided by purpose. 

Focus: Good moral behavior only vs Focus: Stand and battle ready. 

I have my child’s life figured out vs sensitive to God’s plan for my child. 

Look at us! Beautiful family vs Look at Him! On mission!

Busy and Hurried vs Sabbath

Golden bars built up in the memory bank that only grow in value over time. 

Ephesians 6 armor of God. 

Barriers

Immediate Requirements – Place of Importance

It’s awkward when I attempt to lead

Take the easy route/ Comfort and Convenience

Sense of Inadequacy

We use the world’s definition of success

My life is too much of a mess

It’s too late to start, my children are too old 

God’s Word is simply repeated

The world’s definition of success is always shiny and always before us. 

General Session 3 – Corey Jones: We Get to Do This: Finding Joy in Every Season

What if the greatest difference between burnout and joy in ministry isn’t your workload-but your mindset?

Think of your average Sunday this year. Not Easter, not the rainy day when no one seems to want to show up for church. Just an average Sunday. The alarm goes off, you get ready, you jump in the car and head to the church…As you pull up to the building, is you heart posture, “I have to be here?” “I have to go find more goldfish crackers.” “I have to do another band rehearsal.” “I have to put another smile on my face.”  Or is your heart saying, “I get to be here?” “I get to teach another lesson and speak on behalf of the King of Kings” “I get to greet someone at the door and be the first person who’s looked them in the eye with kindness all week.”   I know. I know. It’s Sunday, it’s early, and you may not have had coffee yet, but still: “Have to?” Or “Get to?”

Is anyone out there serving in a mobile campus? I feel ya! We had a campus, but outgrew our space. When it came time to build, we hated the thought of building a massive building that would only be used a few hours each week, so we got weird. We asked our community what they wanted us to build, we built it, and then we figure out how to do church inside of it. Thus, while we own our building, we still operate as a mobile campus within our building…which means…chairs, chairs, and more chairs. Every day we are setting up and taking down chairs.

And I’ve got to tell you, this talk became real for me when thinking about stacking and unstacking chairs. 

Same scenario with two perspectives.

“Have to” says, “How can so many people just get up and walk out without helping?” “We talk about it every week, if they would just grab one!”

“Have to” says, “Here we go again… same thing, different Sunday.”

“Have to” says,“Things would fall apart if I wasn’t here.” 

“Have to” says, “I shouldn’t have to do this—this isn’t even my job.”

“Get to” says, “While this is a small act of service, today it’s an act of worship.” 

“Get to” says, “Lord, may this chair hold someone whose life will be forever changed by Your love.” 

“Get to” says, “Thank You, Lord, for the strength and health to lift this 10th chair onto the stack.”

“Get to” says, “This chair might hold a struggling parent or a new believer—thank You, Lord, for allowing me to be part of their journey.”

Is ministry an obligation for you? Or is it worship? Do you Have to? Or do you Get to? 

“Kingdom work isn’t a burden—it’s a blessing. Have you traded ‘I get to’ for ‘I have to’?”

Colossians 3:23 NLT, “Work willingly at whatever you do (unstacking chairs, cutting out crafts, stacking chairs again), as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” 

So yeah, stacking chairs, that’s real. It’s a small thing, but for me, it was a real indicator of something wrong in my heart. Ministry is hard. Burnout is real. Discouragement creeps in. Compassion fatigue can keep you from seeing people the way Jesus does. 

For me, when the “HAVE to” mindset hits hardest is when someone who I’ve loved for years, decades, someone I’ve poured into, someone I’ve discipled, walk away…from the church…from their family…or from their faith. I shift into “Have to” mode. The wind in my sails is gone, …IF I allow it. 

In Acts 16 we see Paul and Silas going to pray and a was woman shouting at them because she was demon possessed. They heal her…they do ministry…and as a result they are stripped, severely beaten, and thrown in prison. Yet, Verse 25 says, “Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening. Suddenly, there was a massive earthquake…”

Paul and Silas, stripped, severely beaten, and jailed, for doing ministry…and their response, “Get to!” Praying and singing.

Joseph – Sold into slavery, falsely accused, and imprisoned – but still able to say, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” Genesis 50:20

Stephen – As the first Christian martyr, even as he was being stoned to death, he was filled with joy and the Holy Spirit, praying for his attackers. Acts 7:55-60

James – In his letter, James encourages believers to “consider it an opportunity for great joy” when facing troubles, knowing that the testing of faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-4.

Paul, Joseph, Stephen. These guys understood, “Get to!” There’s also Mrs. Dawn. Now you won’t find her name in the Bible. The reality is, you probably won’t find her name anywhere.

Mrs. Dawn understood “get to.” She got to teach a Sunday school class in Greenford Ohio. 

Yes, she got to be a Sunday school teacher in a town with a population less than 1000 people. 

And in this small church, surrounded by corn fields, she had a student who often challenge her. 

He would ask, you know, simple questions like, “How do we know God is real?”

Why does God allow suffering?

If God already knows what we need, why do we need to pray? 

You know, the easy questions…

And Mrs. Dawn would pull open the Bible, and patiently attempt to answer the students questions. 

But this student didn’t just ask challenging questions. He would also, find passages in the Bible like 1 Peter 5:14, and he would attempt to get the whole Sunday school class to participate in “greeting each other with a holy kiss.”

Mrs. Dawn stayed persistent in her role, despite having a difficult kid in her class.
Mrs. Dawn kept her “get to” attitude and continued to love in hard times. 

And I’m so thankful that Mrs. Dawn, loved me, when I was growing in the faith. 

Mrs. Dawn had no idea that I would dedicate my life to building God’s Kingdom. She didn’t see the fruit. 

She just loved the unlovable. She remained faithful to the calling God placed on her life. 

So I’ve got to ask, “Who or what in your life is currently difficult? Who or what is pushing your heart towards “Have to.” 

Will you do me a favor and pull out your phone?

Did God reveal something to you? If so, text someone for prayer or accountability. Don’t hide it, don’t shove it deeper.  

Your message: “Hey, I’m at the D6 conference. When I get back, I’d love to talk with you about _______.” 

This one small step in accountability may shed light where darkness was growing.

This one small step could be the direction changing step that gets you back on course to the right mindset. The mindset of, “We don’t have to do this. We get to do this!”

So D6, “Let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9

Let’s not get tired of… stacking chairs after every service.

Let’s not get tired of… answering difficult Sunday School questions.

Let’s not get tired of… stepping in when someone else falls short.

Let’s not get tired of… serving behind the scenes when no one notices.

Let’s not get tired of… giving even when we don’t see the fruit.

Let’s not get tired of… comforting those who are grieving or struggling.

Let’s not get tired of… loving people who are hard to love.

“At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” 

—

Russ Ramsey

How do we portray ourselves? Do we come across perfect? In the act of doing that we conceal the gospel by presenting ourselves as those who don’t actually need Christ. 

Vincent Van Gogh – Self portrait with bandaged ear.
Great painting because it depicts a moment of pain for the artist himself. 

A painting of Vincent Van Gogh, by Vincent Van Gogh, capturing this moment of his greatest vulnerability. 

The Lord doesn’t need us to be perfect and composed. What gives us worth in ministry is conveying the great need we have for healing and hope. Not just those who read about it in a book but those who have wounds. The Lord will use these wounds to further His kingdom. 

Rich Griffith – Discipleship Is Leadership

DECADES OF “SYSTEMIC ABANDONMENT”

Every institution that is supposed to be about nurturing our young have been hijacked by adult-driven agendas.

Family structures have changed.

Our kids are growing up in a toxic environment. Our children are struggling. Family support systems are shrinking. 

ALL THIS HAS LED TO…

Gen Z being the loneliest and most anxious generation.

Generation of “Nones” – (No religious affiliation)

Losing 25% (or more) of youth church attenders drop out of church

ALL THIS HAS LED TO…

* Increased “epheblphobia” and “gerontophobla”

• Criminalization of our young

The United States has the highest rate of Incarcerated

Juveniles than any other Industrialized nation in the world – to Include Russia and China.

WHY ARE WE MORE COMFORTABLE LEADING IN BUSINESS AND OTHER AREAS, BUT WE CAN’T SEEM TO DISCIPLE OUR CHILDREN? MAYBE…

We are trained to lead outside the home.

We fear we have passed our coaching limits.

We have not been spiritual nurtured / discipled. 

•FOR ALL THESE REASONS AND MORE,

“DISCIPLESHIP IS LEADERSHIP”

• Biblical reclaiming or parent, church & Community responsibilities toward our children, youth and “Church AS Family” (Deut. 6:4-9, Matt, 28120, Acts 16:3, Matt. 12:46-50, etc.

As you “Go” not as they “Come”

BIG QUESTION # 1:

“WHO IS SERVING WHO?”

• THE REALITIES OF “SYSTEMIC” AND “SYSTEMATIC” ABANDONMENT.

HOW THE CHURCH “TREATS” YOUTH MINISTRY

• VBS & Other Ministries

Develop the next generation of the church. They don’t just magically become leaders at 16. 

BIG QUESTION # 2:

WHO IS DISCIPLING WHO?”

• PROFESSIONALIZED MINISTRY CANNOT BE THE ONLY APPROACH!

Hierarchies must be minimized and delegation is essential.

BIG QUESTION # 3:

THOW ARE WE DISCIPLING?”

ARE THERE APPROACHES THAT GO BEYOND SYSTEMIC ABANDONMENT THAT TRULY MEET THE NEEDS OF ALL? (CHILDREN, YOUTH AND ADULTS)

“HOW ARE WE DISCIPLING?” EXAMPLES:

• °PSYCHOSOCIAL STAGE 1 – TRUST VS. MISTRUST

‘Leadership model: Servant Leader

—

Johnathan Denton – Discipling the Disciplers

We need to pour into our disciplers. 

“Timothy, my dear son, be strong through the grace that God gives you in Christ Jesus. You have heard me teach things that have been confirmed by many reliable witnesses. Now teach these truths to other trustworthy people who will be able to pass them on to others.” 2 Timothy 2:1-2

Yestermorrow

Anchor to the Past – Vision for the Future

Multiply Disciple Makers

Is it a process issue? Is a person issue? What do you need to do to reach the next generation for Christ? 

Give them a vision. Give them a playbook. And let them do the hard work day in and day out and you’ll be amazed at the fruit that God grows. 

Get in the same room and dream together. 

Breakout 3 – Rich Griffith – How Voices Counters Anxiety, Depression, and Isolation

Systemic abandonment, ephebiphobia, gerontophobia, church and society. What do all these things have in common? Generation Z is considered the “loneliest and most anxious generation” in American history. Ironically, these are common traits shared among our elder generation. Discover how Western culture got here, why “church kids” are not immune to these influences and what you and your church can do to make a difference in every generation.

Urie Bronfenbrenner The Ecology of Human Development

Youth are not formed in a vacuum, there are many things that impact people in their development. Covid had an emotional, spiritual, and psychological impact on the generation. Circumstances impact lives. 

Book: Voices – Helping our children and youth listen to wise counsel. 

Digital Immigrant and Digital Natives

The class “Youth Culture” changes content every other year. 

Digital immigrants had a limited number of voices in their life. Limited news. 

Young people today have too much information coming at them every day. TMI in the news. Parents are the primary influencer of faith development. This is true, unless they are not doing it. 

9-11 – impacted everyone alive. 

90’s culture – the first school shooting. 

We are developing a generation of super predators. 

Film series Adolescence on Netflix. Sparks conversations in culture. 

Systemic abandonment. We have to make sure we are not allowing our boys to become misogynistic. We are blaming the kids and not giving them what they need to make healthy decisions. Identity formation is the primary task of adolescence. Generational trauma because our kids today are still scared to go to school. These issues aren’t going away they are piling on top. They go to their friends and the internet to figure out life. 

Merchants of Cool – pbs – they are over marketed to and can’t figure out the difference between wants and needs. 

Generation Like – pbs – use kids to market for them. 

Kids don’t know their identity. They don’t know where they are. Part of the problem is the church doesn’t understand their identity so how can they pass that on to their young people? Equip parents to lead. Parents aren’t discipling their children because they weren’t discipled. 

What is the overall meaning of Jonah? Listen and obey. 

The deeper meeting is Jonah didn’t want to forgive his enemies. 

Even deeper: Everything in Jonah points to Jesus. Everything Jonah couldn’t do, Jesus does. 

What voices are you putting in your children’s life? Make sure your kids have mentors. 

Students in the church are asking questions and need the wisdom of the older generation. We need their energy and their new ideas. 

Parents if you worry that you blew it remember that Adam and Eve had God as their parent and they failed. Kids can still blow it, even if you did everything perfectly. 

We are too covered about losing people from the church yet we don’t operate as if we care about losing them to hell. 

The most noise comes from the shallow end of the pool. God’s voice is heard in the deep. Walk your kids through the valleys and point them to the depth they need. 

Systems have abandoned the next generation. 

Brianna Edwards – Grace and Repair in Relationship

We all experience brokenness and interruptions in relationships. We need to become aware of our rapture patterns. 

What do ruptures look like in your home? 

How do you respond when there is a repute? Do you? 

Get angry? Feel anxious? Try to fix it? Cry? Hold a grudge? Yell? Blame? Withdraw? Feel helpless? Push it “under the rug?” Seek re-connection?

What was modeled for you? We default to familiar patterns if we are not intentional to build new relational templates. This is not our kid’s job or those we lead job, it’s ours. As disciple-makers, it’s our job to lead repair in our homes and ministries. 

The Proactive Approach: internally schedule 10 minutes of playtime or connection time with our child. Child-centered play. Let them lead without our devices. Be present. 333 rule or 9 most important minutes of the day. The first 3 minutes when they wake up, the 3 minutes after getting back at home after school, and the 3 minutes before bed. Put drops in the bucket so that there is a solid foundation. 

The Reactive Approach: A template of how to repair:

Pause & regulate yourself

Initiate a conversation & LISTEN

Own your role – actions & feelings

Apologize and Forgive

Create an action plan

Playfully connect

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” Matthew 18:21-22

Repair often and repeatedly. 

Name it to tame it & Feel it to heal it. 

Will we lean into healing or revert to old, comfortable patterns? We always have a choice. 

Be consistent and predictable over time. 

Remember how God models this. He repairs relationships. 

What action do you need to take today? 

Ron Hunter – Discipleship: More Than a Solo Sport

There are many solo sports. How do the best in the world find people to coach them and critique or evaluate their form? 

Cultivate the talent in the next generation. 

1 Discipleship embodies the process and person. 

Abide in Christ John 15:4-5

Discipleship happens in community, in a family, with a powerful mentor. Everyday, not just Sunday. Discipleship is real life meeting real faith. A long walk in the same direction. 

Be Transformed – Romans 12:2

We can not shape our own discipleship, we must let Christ do it. The goal is not to find ourselves in scripture but to let scripture be found in us. We must not let culture re-write scripture. 

Press towards the mark – Phil 3:14

Continual and not a badge you earn or box you check. An artist who takes a chisel to stone leaving behind the image he/she had in mind of the outcome.

Impress them on your children – Duet 6:7

We are not called to be believers…satan is a believer. We are called to be disciples. 

Parenting Goal: We want you to make wise spiritual decisions. 

2 Discipleship looks vertical and horizontal 

Discipling while being discipled.

Look vertical to Jesus as the primary relationship. 

Horizontal with non-believers or young believers.

If you’re ministering to others, who is discipling you? 

If the number one in the world can get coached and listen to others, we need to do the same. We need to be someone’s project. Who will I place my own discipleship in the hands of? 

Discipleship is the opportunity to learn and lead simultaneously. Invite someone to walk alongside of us. We aren’t walking with perfect people but they must be willing. 

3 Discipleship changes how we view people. 

Find people who look like Saul but can become Paul. 

When correction comes your way, what does it reveal about the posture of your heart? 

John Maxwell says, “Experience is not the best teacher, evaluated experience is.”

After Action Report. Do this 7-10 times a day to get sharp. Where is your heart when someone looks at you and gives you feedback? 

Maybe you think your ministry is too small and you think in terms of comparison…David Brainerd missionary

Johnathan Edwards preacher

William Carey – father of modern Missions

Adoniram Judson – All from David Brainerd 

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More content coming soon! Check back for live notes throughout the whole conference!