It’s Personal Session Notes #OC19

YOULEAD Notes-4

It’s personal when everyone who shows up cares about the faith of every kid.

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Everything in your church changes when relationships matter. 

Tom Shefchunas @Coachshef 

#tweetablejustnottrue

His church moves on through broken organizations and people.

Book: When Relationships Matter

If small groups become your primary answer, then that ultimate changes everything you do…eventually

Look at your checkbook and calendar. What does that reflect on your goal? Do you do a full message or set small group leaders up to have relationships. 

“At OC19, a MINISTRY PROOF is an exercise to prove a complex strategic statement by using self-evident, obvious, and “amenable” truths stacked together like Legos.”

My ministry has an effect on a kid who is not involved in ministry. 

One of the worse strategies is losing a kid who is in my ministry. 

I need to PERSONALLY pay attention to who is leaving my ministry. 

Some kids have to leave my ministry. (Move, 

Some kids/students/families choose to leave my ministry. 

As a steward of my ministry, I should find out why. 

It’s harder to leave people than a program. 

The more connected a kid/student is to a person (or people) at church the better chance we have to keep them. 

I personally can’t connect deeply enough to all my kids/students and I need people to help me. 

High-quality Christians make high-quality connections. 

The higher quality connections we make the more we can do for kids as and their faith. 

The best way to communicate and nurture the core aspects of our faith is within the context of a strong relationship. (AKA: Discipleship)

My primary goal needs to be to MAKE RELATIONSHIPS MATTER MORE. 

I need to leverage every resource I have to ensure that kids have quality relationships and that those relationships grow. 

I’ve got some things I need to change. 

If small groups become the primary answer, then that ultimately changes everything you do.

When we go “all in” on quality long-term groups – not only will it change everything you do – groups will become your answer to almost everything. 

I need to PERSONALLY pay attention to who is leaving my ministry. 

People leave ministry not people…harness the power of small groups. 

Text “imin” to 404.445.2198

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Do you know my name? 

Crystal Chiang @CrystalcChiang

Knowing someone’s name lets them know that they matter. 

Kids are always in a crowd, they just want to be seen. 

You know what’s it’s like when the barista gets your name right. 

You know what it feels like when a teacher takes the time to learn how to say your name…or when they don’t. 

When you get to know their name, you get the right to know more than their name. 

Who will know their name next? 

After high school, someone needs to know their name. We know what’s next and point them to what’s next. 

If we were honest though, it’s a long way from here to there. It’s a long way from now to what’s next. From high school ministry to college ministry. 

What happens when nobody knows their name? 

There are going to be days where they will wonder if the family of God is still a family for them. 

If stats are true we will lose 7 out of 10 in the transition from here to there. 

You might graduate from this roaster but you can’t graduation from this relationship.

I wonder what would happen if we stopped points towards and started walking with?

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Seen People See People

“There is a skill in learning to be present.” -Reggie Joiner

“No one person can no every person’s name in our ministry…Multiply the impact so every person can be seen.” Kara Powell

“What if we could recruit leaders who see the kids sitting on the back row. To see the kids who are so infrequently seen.” Kristen Ivey

Concept: If you give a popular kid 100% attention, he will feel 10% but if you give the unpopular kid that half that they usually feel it 100%

“The church should be different and not reinforcing the hierarchy.” Kara Powell

“Business is the enemy of spirituality.”

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Hear the voice of those who are not being heard. 

Danielle Strickland @djstrickland 

The desire in God’s heart is for connection.

There’s a divine strategy called ‘personal.’

What will you do with the king of Israel? Kiss the Son. Psalm 2

What am I going to do with the bigness? The magnitude? What am I going to do? I’m going to send a little baby and this personal shift will change everything. 

God has a name, love has a name. This proximity is a divine strategy. 

The desire in God’s heart is for connection.

He is no longer a slave to you, he is your brother. 

Tackle massive issues with the relationship. 

How do you perpetuate slavery if your brothers with the slave? Proximity changes everything. 

Sometimes you need to know their names. 

Moses and Elijah disappear and there is only Jesus.

Jesus goes down off the mountain of transfiguration and he encounters a father with a son in pain. Jesus said to bring the boy to me. If you had faith the size of the mustard seed tells the mountain to move. 

“You want to move something big, do something small.” Danielle Strickland

You want to actually change sexual slavery, why don’t you admit your porn addiction and get some help.

You want to dismantle slavery, be a brother.

If you want to do these massive things, then make it personal. Mustard seed faith, something small to change something big. 

First, you need to know their name, and then they need to know their names. You’re the one to tell them and it can change everything. 

Flowers were meant to bloom. What are the odds that her street name would

“I’m not a very good singer but I’ve never killed anyone before.”

Stop trying to move the mountain start using the mustard seed. That name, that relationship, that proximity will change everything. 

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Helping parents know they measure up

Kara Powell @KPowellFYI

The “Not Enough Monster”

The church tells us that we should be discipling our children, and we agree, but we don’t know how to do that. 

We feel overwhelmed, we don’t know where to start, so we do nothing. 

The not enough monster multiples. We call this shame. 

Guilt is feeling bad about what we do. Shame is about feeling bad about who we are.

This then affects our kids, and they began to not feel enough. Not strong enough, not brave enough, not spiritual enough. 

The rising rates of suicide, anxiety, and depression. Social media and technology show us all the ways we do not measure up. 

Before you would hear about the part you missed after the weekend. Now they see it unfolding in real time on social media without them. 

There is no better place to deflate the Not Enough monster than the church. 

They are enough, you are enough because Jesus makes us enough. Jesus transforms us. 

We are enough because Jesus makes us enough. This is good news. Parents should be flocking to us in the church. They should be hungry for the parent seminars but that’s not your experience. 

How do you reach the other 80%

4 of the ages of phases when parents most need to know they are enough because Jesus is enough: 6, 13, 18, 23 (these are the trapeze ages where they are in the air for the next phase). 

Ages 6: Kindergarten phase. 

New schedule, new school, new social opportunities, new sports. Juggling a lot of balls and feel bad when they drop balls and make mistakes. The church can come alongside them and let them know blowing a scheduled playdate is not a big deal. Even if it was a mistake, Jesus is bigger than our mistakes. 

Age 13

The average parent feels behind their teen when it comes to technology because they are. We can let parents know they are enough. You don’t have to be paranoid but you can be prudent. 

Age 18

As a parent, you see a clock in your mind at all time. Wonder if you’re doing enough to help navigate the new opportunities and new temptations. Wonder if you’ve been enough of a parent since birth to set them up on the best trajectory. Some parents will get smaller and withdraw saying it’s too late now. Other’s get big and try to control. To turn to parent into a project and make a lot of lists. Better laundry skills. Need the church to remind me that I am enough because Jesus makes me enough. 

Age 23

New independence. Vocational, relations and spiritual choices. Parents are proud but some are not so quick to brag. Some drop out of school, get debt, move back home. The relationship they dreamed of is not materializing. They text but don’t hear back. We as the church can come alongside the family and let them know the chapter is choppy but God is not done with the families story yet, you are enough because Jesus makes us enough. 

Youth leaders don’t feel enough. Feel unqualified to offer resources and feel like we are guessing. 

Text “with” to 66866 for free resources for parents. 

Every parent and every person needs from you to remind them you are enough because Jesus makes you enough. 

The really good news is that Jesus is actually more than enough. Kara Powell

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Do you know where I live?

Carlos Whittaker @loswhit

Physically: Absolutely but more than that. 

Do you know where I live…

Physically, culturally, socially, emotionally

Jesus never ministered from a distance. 

We get to come around those we are ministering to, step in their homes, and get more personal with them. The more personal it gets the messier it gets. The more personal we get, the more holy it gets. 

It’s okay that you don’t look like everyone else, just hold my hand and everyone will know you belong. 

When we know where they live, they will open their hands. 

When we know their name, it opens their hearts. But when we know where they live, they will open their hands.

When you get personal, it gets risky. It takes a risk in order to rescue.

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Knowing me means knowing my context

Karl Vaters @KarlVaters 

Book: The Grasshopper Myth

If I took numbers off the table, would I call my church a healthy church? 

We seem like grasshoppers in our own eyes. 

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Influence is about leveraging small things. Influence is the new attendance.

#1 reason churches are growing, “The paster knows my name.” 

They want to be pastored by their pastor. 

Healthy large churches are pushing small groups and ministry teams because that’s where pastoring will get done. 

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Dr. Bernese King

@BerniceKing

How do we as leaders experience the everyday context of other people and develop empathy? -Reggie

Intentionality. You have to be intentional about connecting with people whose stories you don’t know. 

It’s really about following Jesus, for real.

Jesus dared to connect with people when it was prohibited. 

Compassion pushes you to what to do something, but not doing something first without understanding. 

Dare to take risks, even where it becomes uncomfortable. 

We have to look in the mirror and examine our own prejudices and seek to rid ourselves of them.

We need each other. We have to learn how to create a real relationship with brothers and sisters even when we don’t agree with each other.

The next generation isn’t bringing a lot of the biases that we had!

Light belongs where darkness is so there is no more darkness.

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When it’s personal to you

Doug Fields @DougFields ‏

When parenting became personal, it actually became more important to my ministry.

Leadership ultimately becomes powerful when your ministry becomes personal.

In our Christian subculture leaders ultimately becomes powerful when you build your platform, launch a podcast, go multi-site, or draw a crowd. 

Personal doesn’t happen from a distance. 

Jesus and the woman with an issue of blood.

Jesus turns his back on the crowd to care for one. The good shepherd will leave the 99 for the one. It seems outrageous until you’re the one. 

At this moment, Jesus makes eye contact and it becomes personal. The crowd was put on mute and she became the center of attention. 

Jesus called her “Daughter” making her feel like somebody. 

When leadership goes personal it restores confidence. 

The only one who could have thrown a stone didn’t pick one up. 

Ministry is messy. And sometimes the most beautiful and courageous kind of leadership is when we leave the crowd for the one.

What if our greatest ministry is not to more? What if it’s not about numbers. Jesus hung out with 12. What if the greatest leadership asset you have is to stop your world and love someone personally? 

Someone somewhere in your world is always in some type of pain.

Leadership ultimately becomes powerful when your ministry becomes personal.

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What you don’t know can hurt you.

Sam Collier @SamCollier

I haven’t always been self-aware, but at least I’m self-aware about not always having been self-aware.

3 lessons to help me grow and be a better leader.

1. You can’t talk to old people that way.

Has anyone ever gone to a debrief meeting ready to ‘say something?

2. Sometimes you just have to get out of the way. 

Don’t let your ego get in the way of someone else’s potential

3. You’re not allowed to teach your wife anything.

Blindspot: Something negative that you do that impacts other people or you that you don’t see. What are your blind spots? 

Don’t get so focused on your public image that you miss your personal issues.

Next Step:
Write down your blindspots.
Ask two leaders to speak into this. 

Dr. Deborah Tillman @DeborahLTillman

Connection really matters. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Connect before you go in there and try to correct.

God had called me to have a mindset to mend them, heart to love them, spirit to serve them.

Families need encouragement. You’ll never really know what your hug will do. 

People really need to know and feel that they are enough. So many people feel guilty and laced with fear and doubt and shame.

Stop building walls and start building bridges. 

“All of our families have a complexity that the church needs to help you navigate.” Dan Scott 

No more hiding in church.

Clay Scroggins @clayscroggins

Do you look back on a season in your life and think, ‘That’s when God was really using me?

My biggest fear going into ministry was that I would spend all of my time around Christians. 

Make it better. 

Take it personal. 

The longer we are in ministry the longer we drift into making it better and further away from taking it personally. 

How can we get these people to show up in the lives of all the people outside of the building? 

The world gets bigger when you begin to see more of the world. 

You’ll never change the way the community sees the church until you change the way the church sees the community.

What could we do to start understanding the people outside our building?

You take it personally when your connection with someone becomes personal.

The man let down through the roof. They didn’t give up. They didn’t turn down. 

“Turn down for what”

For what would you turn down? What cause? Nothing. Nothing would cause me to turn down. 

Mark 2:5 Jesus was moved not by what they believed but by what they did based on what they believed. 

That’s not our correlate missing. That is MY mission. 

Quick asking for likes and get your church to go and like other people’s posts. It’s not all about praying for the people inside our church it’s about going out and knowing what to pray for in our community. 

“If our goal is to be the hope for the world, we’ve got to stop hiding in our church.”

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Do you know what matters to me?

David Salyers @davidgsalyers

The difference between wisdom and knowledge. It’s not about what you know. This creates a culture of proving yourself. 

Knowledge is what we know, proving. Wisdom creates a culture of improving. 

Second-mile service is giving what people don’t expect.

Now we are more known for our services than our food. 

Our mission: To improve the story of the people we do business with. 

Prove it and Improve it.

Daddy Daughter Date Night. 99cent meals are great. Handwritten notes from your daughter are priceless. 

Do you know what I can do?

Gerald Fadayomi @GeraldFadayomi

This speaks to potential.

Do you know what I can do? I know that you are capable of and it’s so much more.

We love that lightbulb moment in the lives of a student where they realize what they can do because of the potential God placed in them.

Get out of our context and into their world. Show up at their game, in the school, in their Monday through Saturday.

What if we spent less time trying to get teenagers to show up in our church and instead trained small group leaders to show up in their lives.

We often speak into what we think students need and not into what they actually need.

They need positive attention.

What if we spent more time trying to get the student to show up to the church and spent more time getting volunteers to show up in their lives?

So often we speak to what we think students need and not to what they actually need.

Maybe they need someone to understand their identity so they don’t trade a part of themselves for something that won’t last.

Students will do more when they are invited to do more.

What would happen if we stopped doing ministry for students and started doing ministry with students?

Everybody Always

Bob Goff @bobgoff

If you get advice that rhymes, run! In order to give words of advice, you need to know scripture.

God needs people who know Scripture and will be available to people and speak to them in love.

The power of availability
If we’re going to be available we need to know why we are doing it. Why we do what we do.

If you’re leading young people for an applause join the circus.

Satan doesn’t need to destroy, he just needs to distract. You don’t want anything to distract you from Jesus.

You don’t want anything distracting you from Jesus. If this job ever gets between me and Jesus or me and you, I resign.

Don’t make people projects. People are people.

We ought to talk about people behind their back all the time. We just need to be talking about the right stuff.

You want to dazzle Jesus? Go be you.

If you’re messing up, don’t have a bible study, stop.

The world is full of crazy people, and guess what, you’re one of them.

You see a fin in the water…is it a dolphin or a shark?

It’s going to take a courage laden with faith and laden with obedience.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 NIV

There’s something beautiful that happens when you get personal.

Make it personal with your family.
Bob buried a note to his unborn daughter forgiving her of wrecking the car.

Your inheritance is my friends. I don’t tell them what to do, I tell them who they are.

The thing about marble so special and unique is what makes it the weakest. The thing that makes me unique, can also be my weakest point. We need to bring it back to Jesus.

“Coffee drinks me to wake up.”

The anchor room is as big as the engine room. Let that sink in.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

Be available to people and let them know why we do what we do.

Give us the guts and the grace to be your people.

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