Orange Tour Final Session Notes with Reggie Joiner and Kristen Ivy

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Did a parent say this to a toddler or middle schooler game?

Every family matters regardless.
40 hours for the church.
400 playing video games.
3000 parents.

40 hours matter. If you see those 40 hours as a catalyst for the rest of the week, those hours matter even more.

Every family matters regardless of what they look like. 75% of families do not consistent of a husband and wife who live with their biological kids. Divorce, adopted, foster, single…

I don’t go to this church, I live with my mom and she goes to this church. Husband left me when I became pregnant. I just need to know that she’s going to be okay because this is t what I thought my family was going to look like.

A picture mindset as a church forces people to question. How do I measure up or how do I get there?

Marriage: Thought or pictured what marriage would look like. Tried to get someone else to measure up to your picture. Expectation vs reality makes the degree of dissolution-meant.

Another concept that is more powerful. Not picture mindset. A story mindset:
God wants to tell regardless of the picture. Restoration. Redemption. God uses broken people. No picture perfect model families in the Bible. When I read about the families in the Bible I feel better about mine.

You will get frustrated if you have a picture perspective. If you have a story perspective it changes. Never measure up or live up to the picture perfect family. Hope vs. dissolutions.

Every family matters to me regardless of what you believe.

Every family matters regardless of what they believe. Even families who aren’t Christians still make a difference, positive or negative, in their kids.

Your church is strategically positions in culture to remind everyone that ever family matters.
Help parents win at parenting. A lot of parents don’t think the church is set up to let them win.

Believe 2 things: Every church needs do to act like…
Every parent wants to be a better parent!
Every parent will do som thing more.

What does it look like to help parents win or to partner with parents.

The church should be making it as easy as possible for parents to win in the relationship with their kids.

Dad might not be a great communicator. Do everything possible to help the dad win relationally with their daughter.

What does a win look likes?
1. Help them be more present with their family. Connect in a better way. Relationship goes deeper because they are more present.
2. Be more connected with to a faith community. Those outside connect. Those inside become more connected. 100% won’t be invested but all can take a step.

Leverage fancily times. Meal, bed, drive,
Initiate critical conversations
Connect with mentors and peers.
Engaging in faith activities.
Reinforcing what their kids learn at church
Expanding adult influences in their kids life.

Pro Tip: Invite other adults into the life of your kid besides you.

If you really build a relational model then the shortest distance between your church and the parent is a small group leader. With a little tweak you can make a gigantic connection.

Kristen Ivey: @Kristen_Ivy
How do your small group leaders view the kids parents?

Long after a sgl is out of the life, mom and dad are still there. It’s easy to judge the parents and your role is to build a bridge to that family. Help their heart become more connected to their parents.

How small group leaders can connect with parents.

Make an initial connection. Introduce yourself.
At the beginning of the year introduce yourself and ask for a story of your kid that communicates who they are.

Give them access to you. Parents will stalk you after you connect with their kid. Be upfront and give them your contact. And look at your media through the eyes of the parents.

Leverage technology to connect regularly. Text messages. Stay in front of them regularly. They will remember who you are and that you care.

Show up where parents show up. Ball games etc.

Help them find an answer. If you haven’t parented a teenager in your own home don’t assume that you know how to parent a teenager. Connect them with other parents. Who are those that can be connected with.

Say something positive. 1 positive for every 7 negative. You have opportunity to encourage a parent. Lean in and tell parents the wonderful things you see in their kids. Give the parents credit.

Rediscover what you can do when it comes to engaging parents.
You don’t parent a 5 year old the same way you do a 6 year old or 16 year old.

How can a Church connect with parents?
Establish an annual orientation
Offer periodic small group studies
Develop a weekly cueing strategy
Celebrate critical milestones -6 unique times
Create opportunities for share experiences

When 50% don’t show up?
Small group leaders giving parents their content.

What would happen if you tried to…
Engage every parent to do something more.

Every parent is made in the image God, that’s the reason why some nonchristian parents are better than Christian parents.

Do something!
Raise the tide.

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